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LIONEL RICHIE’S “HELLO” IS THE CREEPIEST SONG EVER

by jon on May 9, 2010

The famous video aside, if you just read the lyrics, Lionel Richie’s “Hello” is a creepfest:

I’ve been alone with you inside my mind (Ok, you’ve been thinking about someone, fair enough.)
And in my dreams I’ve kissed your lips a thousand times (Kissing her in your dreams.  That’s nice.)
I sometimes see you pass outside my door (You don’t know her?)
Hello, is it me you’re looking for?  (Because she passed by your door?)

I can see it in your eyes.  I can see it in your smile (From watching her as she passes by?)
You’re all I’ve ever wanted, and my arms are open wide  (You’re alone in your apartment in hug mode?)
‘Cause you know just what to say (I’m not sure you’ve ever heard her speak.)
And you know just what to do (You’re assuming.)
And I want to tell you so much, I love you … (Whoa, whoa, slow down.  Let’s get to an actual “hello” first.)

I long to see the sunlight in your hair (You’re just watching her without her knowing.)
And tell you time and time again how much I care (Do you know her name?)
Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow (I believe that.)
Hello, I’ve just got to let you know (That might not be the best idea.)

‘Cause I wonder where you are (She’s at work.)
And I wonder what you do (At least you haven’t been following her.)
Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving you? (You clearly are doing both.)
Tell me how to win your heart (It doesn’t work that way.)
For I haven’t got a clue (That’s pretty clear.)
But let me start by saying, I love you …  (No. That is NOT the way to start.)

Hello, is it me you’re looking for?  (Listen, she’s just walking to work.  She has no idea about you.)
‘Cause I wonder where you are (At work.)
And I wonder what you do (You’re about to start following her, aren’t you?)
Are you somewhere feeling lonely or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven’t got a clue
But let me start by saying … I love you  (You’re gonna want to hold off on that.  That’s it?  Really?)