- Come on vending machine, it's 2010, why can't you accept a crinkly dollar by now?! Oh wait, you did. My bad. #
- I'm gonna name my dog Peeve. #
- Take my wife, Steve. #firstdraftcatchphrases #
- "Don't say sugar tits, don't say sugar tits, don't say sugar tits." -Mel Gibson's Inner Dialogue While Being Questioned By Police Yesterday #
- Who would have ever expected that someone would be attacked at an event hosted by people called The Insane Clown Posse?? #
- Earth, Wind, Fire, and Ham #earlybandnames #
- I don't have a dog because I know I would force train it to always walk on its hind legs at all times for my own amusement. #
- An auto-flush urinal made me feel insecure about my manhood by flushing while I was peeing, as if to say "nothing registers as being there." #
- If Lou Gehrig did not die from Lou Gehrig's Disease than I think nobody did. #
- I'm loving the comments left on this clearly FAKE video (taken for reality) I made with @joselynhughes. http://bit.ly/aW4GJd #
- The Iraq War is ending as we speak and CBS is reporting on Jesse James and Sandra Bullock. Wait, he said what??? Oh no he di'int! #
- Jon Friedman reads his 'God (When He First Saw Us Drinking Milk From a Cow)' essay. http://bit.ly/cWxYwy #
- Letting everyone know where you are is the new not letting everyone know where you are. #
- All of the other problems in the country must have been fixed because Congress has taken time to indict Roger Clemens! #priorities #
- If I had the ability to create a new color it would be schmerniff. #
- Rebates aren't really rebates as much as they are me lending you some money. #
- Follow your nose. #
- Programming note: For those that follow "Totally Terrific Tweets!" they will be posted on Monday 8/23 for this week. Thank you. #
- The Delicious Sandwich Social is tomorrow. http://bit.ly/90ArlF #
- I hope I don't grow up to be nebbishy. #
